» Watching a Terebyte of movies in one month is an accomplishment in any country…. accept for Afghanistan » – Nathan Elmo Melo

« I started out with nothing. I still have most of it. » – Michael Davis

« When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before. » – Mae West

« I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. » – Robert McCloskey

« If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? » – Stephen Wright

« Why can we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not remember how many times we have told it to the same person. » – François de la Rochefoucauld

« When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. » – Emo Philips

« Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. » – Jack Handey

« The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. » – Oscar Wilde

« I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. » – Winston Churchill