“Miracles: You do not have to look for them. They are there, 24-7, beaming like radio waves all around you. Put up the antenna, turn …
“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
“A man is too apt to forget that in this world he cannot have everything. A choice is all that is left him.”
“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”
“He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave.”
“The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.”
“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.”
“The wisdom of the wise, and the experience of ages, may be preserved by quotation.”
“I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.”
“A fellow who is always declaring he’s no fool usually has his suspicions.”
“The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one.”
“I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: ‘O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.’ And God granted it.”
“In films murders are always very clean. I show how difficult it is and what a messy thing it is to kill a man.”
“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.”
“We have to fight them daily, like fleas, those many small worries about the morrow, for they sap our energies.”
“Trust yourself. Think for yourself. Act for yourself. Speak for yourself. Be yourself. Imitation is suicide.”
“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
“Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record.”
“Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high, look it quarely in the eye and say, ‘I …
“Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man …
“The summer night is like a perfection of thought.”
“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement …
“Don’t stay long when the husband is not at home.”
“Preach not to others what they should eat, but eat as becomes you, and be silent.”
“There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity.”
“We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.”
“You don’t have to die in order to make a living.”
“Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.”
“Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge’s chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view.”
“Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.”
“all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon – instead of enjoying the …
“A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.”
“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”
“The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.”
“Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.”
“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
“We think having faith means being convinced God exists in the same way we are convinced a chair exists. People who cannot be completely convinced …
“Wisdom doesn’t automatically come with old age. Nothing does – except wrinkles. It’s true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were …
“I must create a system, or be enslaved by another man’s.”
“People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.”