Category: Quotes of the day

“Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.”

“The last time somebody said, ‘I find I can write much better with a word processor.’, I replied, ‘They used to say the same thing …

“Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.”

“Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we’ve been bombing over the years been complaining?”

“The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.”

“Outer space is no place for a person of breeding.”

“I take the view, and always have, that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go …

“I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.”

“‘Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.”

“The shortest distance between two points is under construction.”

“We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that …

“2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.”

“In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.”

“Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof.”

“Oh, I don’t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I’d be irresponsible, too.”

“I don’t really trust a sane person.”

“Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.”

“An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.”

“Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.”

“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money.”

“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.”

“How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children”

“Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.”

“In democracy it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism it’s your count that votes.”

“There must be more to life than having everything.”

“Crime does not pay … as well as politics.”

“Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.”

“Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.”

“The crux… is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing.”

“Blame someone else and get on with your life.”

“A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5×11 inch paper cannot be understood.”

“First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.”

“I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.”

“Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.”

“I am not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.”

“Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.”

“I’m thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.”

“There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.”

“The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.”

“Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.”